The Power of Coffee

Each morning when I wake up, the first thing I do is get coffee. Okay, that’s not exactly true. I stumble around for awhile, find a t-shirt, maybe even pants, and generally curse things that don’t deserve being cursed at, like my dog’s bone that likes to hide in very obvious locations and stab me in the bottom of the foot. But getting coffee is the first coherent thing I do. Which is probably how a lot of people around the globe spend their first waking moments.

There are many ways one can accomplish this. You can pay somebody else to make it for you, say, a Starbucks, or local coffee shop, or maybe your kid who is old enough to know how to make coffee but too young to know a quarter is grossly unfair compensation – or you can make it yourself, in a number of capacities. Personally, I choose the latter. Here’s what that looks like for me: walk to the coffee pot, make coffee.

It’s pretty simple. That doesn’t mean I’m against people who like something more complicated, like a good french press or putting thirty six marshmallows in a latte, I just want the coffee in my body as fast as possible. Even if it tastes like old dirt, as long as it has caffeine and is remotely warm (okay, I’ll take that cold, half empty cup that’s been sitting in the kitchen next to the leftover roast beef sandwich, too), I’m good with it.

The thing to take away here, though, is just how many people drink coffee, and how many options you have when it comes to consuming it. For perspective, wherever you are in the world right now, there’s a 95% chance you are five minutes within a cup of coffee. At least in some form. The other five percent? Remote parts of Kazakhstan, a small percentage of the Pacific Ocean, and your friend Bryan’s. That’s it.

There’s a good reason for all this, too: coffee is amazing. And the Starbucks in that small percentage of the Pacific Ocean wasn’t bringing in the revenue like they thought it would (not to mention the commute was a drag).

In an ever-changing world, coffee is a constant people can rely on. It doesn’t get swept away in the latest craze, or become something it’s not. Coffee is old school. Steeped in tradition. True to its roots. Reluctant to admit its feelings for others (unless it’s a carmel macchiato – that guy loves to talk about feelings). If you ask coffee what its favorite hobby is, it would probably answer chopping wood; because it’s honest work.

Of course, it’s not just coffee’s strong character and accountability that draws so many of us to it. It’s what coffee does for us, too. Perhaps most notably, is the energy we get from it. Which works a little something like this:

Before coffee: damnit, Karen, nobody wants to hear about your romantic getaway to Botswana with Jaque, the French-Canadian billionaire who volunteers at an animal shelter in his spare time and once genuinely listened to my ridiculous startup idea about revolutionizing the spork.

After coffee: wow, Karen, those spreadsheets. Holy cow, those were amazing. I love how you rounded those decimals to the the thousandths. Great work. Hey, does anybody want to climb Everest this weekend?

Additionally, coffee is a perfect beverage for both group gatherings and one-on-one settings – from a date, to a casual evening out with friends, to a work meeting, and more. Which is something not a lot of beverages can do. Take beer, for instance. Great for a date and a casual evening out with friends. But a Bud Light tall boy might pose a few problems at the weekly work meeting. If that kind of thing is encouraged at your workplace, then more power to you, and are you accepting applications?

Coffee also has the innate ability to make things better. Mundane things. Cool things. Everyday things. Not so everyday things. Whatever it is, it’s almost certainly better with coffee. In fact, here’s a very scientific list of things that are better with it, which was probably put together after years of tests conducted by Harvard and one Bill Nye:

1. Everything.

No matter the time of day, coffee is a always a great choice. Morning, afternoon, evening – it doesn’t matter; coffee does the trick. Really, it wouldn’t be totally weird to fill one of those beer dispensing helmets with your choice of brew while at work for a constant influx of the good stuff. Or while at home binge-watching Netflix at two in the morning, for that matter.

When it comes to coffee, it is what you need it to be, whenever you need it to be. A reliable companion. An energy boost. A friend for any professional or social setting. A scientific study conducted by Bill Nye. It’s why coffee is so universally well liked, and why so many people consume it in so many different ways. Well, that and it’s super tasty. There’s that, too.

3 thoughts on “The Power of Coffee”

  1. I can’ ‘t do coffee but I LOVE hot chocolate can that count? I like the SMELL of coffee so I can hang with the coffee drinkers…

  2. I can’t even begin to describe my love for coffee in nearly all of its forms – ok, the weak, watered down stuff served in group therapy and homeowners’ association meetings is wayyyyyy down on the list, but I’d still add that powdered creamer (or those little tubs of god-awful flavored stuff) and make a go of it – and I drink it at all hours of the day. This post is awesome, mostly because I was probably the only reason that Starbucks out in the remote Pacific got any quarterly numbers in the first place.

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