A Conversation Between Forgotten Clothes

Wash clothes.

Forget about clothes.

Remember clothes next day.

Rewash clothes.

Forget about clothes.

It’s a vicious cycle. Maybe you put the clothes in the wash late at night and fell asleep before the cycle was complete. Maybe you got to doing something else, or nothing at all, and simply forgot about them. Or maybe you got invited to dinner with Cher. Whatever the reason may be (but mostly because you just forget), it seems to happen more than it should. But have you ever thought about what the clothes are saying while you’re away? Especially after so easily forgetting about them? As if they mean nothing to you? Like they’re a worthless bag of paper shavings? Neither have I. At least, I hadn’t, until my most recent mishap. That’s when I got to thinking. And, well, the result is the conversation that probably happens between articles of clothing when you forget them in the wash. Be warned, though, it might not be entirely clean.

[1 minute A.C.C. (After Cycle Completion)]

Sock: I’ll never get tired of how refreshing that is.

Underwear: That spin cycle was a bit of a doozy though.

Shirt: Yep.

Pants: Yep.

[5 minutes A.C.C.]

Sock: Hmm, it’s been a few minutes. I wonder what’s keeping the human? Oh well, we can wait a little longer!

Underwear: I’m pretty sure this is how humans feel when they step out of the shower before grabbing a towel. It’s terrible.

Shirt: Speaking of Towel, where is he today?

Pants: I heard from Scarf that the human forgot him in the bathroom. Left out to dry, as they say.

Shirt: Pity.

Pants: Indeed.

[20 minutes A.C.C.]

Underwear: I don’t get it. It’s not that hard. Put us in the wash. Set a timer. Or just don’t forget—there’s a concept for you, you two armed, two legged, old rake! And then transfer us to the dryer. It’s so easy my mother could do it—and she’s a thong!

Shirt: Oh get your panties out of a wad.

Pants: Nice.

Sock: Easy now, guys! We’re all friends here!

[1 hour A.C.C.]

Underwear: Are those footsteps?

Sock: Keep it together, man! You’re losing it!

Underwear: No, I’m serious. I think I hear footsteps. WE’RE IN HERE YOU TREACHEROUS SWINE!

Shirt: He’s lost it.

Pants: To be fair, he does spend a bunch of his time face to face with human private parts.

Shirt: Good point. I bet he’s seen some stuff.

[2 hours A.C.C.]

Underwear: IF I EVER GET OUT OF HERE I’M GONNA TELL EVERYBODY ABOUT THAT SKID MARK YOU LEFT BEHIND LAST WEEK WHILE STAYING OVER AT YOUR GIRLFRIEND’S HOUSE FOR THE FIRST TIME! TRY TO BURY ME IN THE CLOSET AGAIN, YOU SACK OF LENT!

Sock: Come on, Underwear! We need you to hold it together! Everything’s going to be fine! We’re all going to be fine! [cries a little. Or maybe just has something in its eye]

Shirt: Where does he get his insults?

Pants: I don’t know. They’re pretty… shitty.

Shirt: [laughs] Nice.

Pants: Too much?

Shirt: No, I don’t think so. Well played.

[5 hours A.C.C.]

Sock: You know what, maybe Underwear’s on to something. Maybe the human’s not who we thought he was. Maybe the world isn’t such a pleasant place where everything works out the way it’s supposed to because you try your best and play by the rules.

Shirt: We’re losing Sock.

Pants: I know. Soon he’ll be… in-toe-lerable.

Shirt: [laughs] touche.

Underwear: QUIT IT WITH THE PUNS ALREADY! SHIT!

[24 hours A.C.C.]

Underwear:

Sock:

Shirt: Hey, Pants, what do you think Sock’s favorite sandwich is?

Pants: I don’t know. Probably something without cheese. He seems like a guy that would try to save some calories by not getting cheese.

Shirt: I could see that. Either way, I bet he always gets a footlong.

Pants: [laughs] Nice.

[26 hours A.C.C.] — [Door opens]

Sock: We’re saved! There is a God!

Underwear: YOU PILE OF LOW GRADE BANANAS! I OUGHTA—

Shirt: Wait a second. Is that what I think it is?

Pants: It is. Hang on, everybody.

[Human tosses in detergent, starts cycle again]

Sock: [voice quivering] I don’t know if I can go through that again…

Pants: It’s like we’re in some weird shampoo twilight zone.

Shirt: What?

Pants: Rinse, wash, repeat.

Shirt: [laughs] Nice.

Underwear: F@$K.

4 thoughts on “A Conversation Between Forgotten Clothes”

  1. This was so funny! I feel like laundry is a never ending event at my house. I do it everyday so I can imagine the random conversations my clothes would have. Great job!

  2. I loved this! You’ve got me thinking about what my clothes are saying…right now. 🙂

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