The grass is greener on the other side. People say it all the time. They also say ‘the grass isn’t always greener on the other side.’ It depends on who is saying it, really, and what kind of spot they are in. Which I get, but it’s all got me a little confused. What side is greener? I want clarity. I need clarity. So I’ve set up a little interview. Well, an interview of sorts. The party of interest only agreed to do it on the terms of me not being physically present, and me also recording myself jumping up and down on one foot while eating an entire pineapple. Strange, I know, but I’ve been wanting to get this guy’s thoughts for some time now, so it was an easy decision. Let’s get weird. Now, thanks to my compliance of the terms and a certain shameless act, I’ve got an audio recording of The Other Side talking about what the grass is like over there. So here it is, raw, and unedited.
I can’t believe he did it. I can’t believe he actually sent me that video. When I told Devon I’d only agree to do this if he’d send me a video of himself jumping up and down on one leg eating a pineapple, I thought there’s no way. No self respecting human would do such a thing. Especially at the request of something like me (I can say that about myself). I mean, I would have done it anyway. It’s not like my schedule is super busy. In fact, Devon is the first human person to try to talk to me—ever—so I kind of feel bad for making him do it. But then again, I don’t feel that bad. It’s just too funny. My friends are gonna love it. Anyway, enough about that, let’s go ahead and jump right in to the meat of the matter, shall we?
So, what’s the grass like? Well, to be honest, it’s green. Like super green. Like if a Colorado pine tree got together with um, I don’t know, like another really green thing and had little grass babies and those babies went on to grow up and have babies with a thing that was greener than that first thing I described, then that’s about the green you would see. So yeah, quite green.
Now, before anybody accuses me of trying to say their life would be better if they’d do this other thing or that thing, or would have chosen another career twenty years ago, or something like that, let me say this: that’s just the physical description of the grass over here. It’s not any kind of metaphor for life, it’s merely a fact. The grass is super green. Especially with all the rain we’ve been getting lately. I mean no offense by what I say, and I’m not trying to get super deep about life or tell you how to live the best one. I’m just relaying information. Pure and simple. Cool?
Okay then. Well, that’s basically that. I know, kind of short. Kind of… kind of, to the point, I guess you’d say. But it’s the answer I have. Plus, I’m not a person—or really a thing that exists, for that matter—so what more do you want from me?