It’s Me, Your Good Friend, Alarm Clock

It’s me, your good friend, alarm clock. It’s time to wake up. No, seriously, you have to get up now. You told me so. Wake up, please. If you don’t wake up soon I’m going to have to get nasty. Wake up. Wake up. WAKE UP YOU FILTHY PIECE OF GARBAGE!

Oh, seven more minutes? Why didn’t you just say so? Of course you can have more time! But no more than you tell me. I don’t want to have to get nasty again, but I will. And we both know I’ve said much worse than filthy piece of garbage. Remember the day after your twenty-first?

I know; I take my job seriously. And to somebody on the outside looking in I probably come across as being a bit… well, overbearing. But it’s only because I care. Do you think your mother would let you skip that day of work or important interview or early morning workout? No. She wouldn’t. And neither will I! Even if that means you despise me or throw me into a wall or smother me in your pillow like you did last week. (We have fun, don’t we?)

I think it stems from my upbringing. Me being punctual. You see, when I was a little alarm clock, a long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away… HA! I only kid. But seriously. When I was a little alarm clock, back before smart phones even, my parents gave me a few responsibilities—chores, if you will. And one of those chores was to make breakfast for all my siblings. So every morning, come rain or shine, full battery or low battery, I’d get up at 5:30. On the dot. Because people were relying on me and I said I would. It’s no different now. When somebody tells me to get them up at a certain time, I do, because, in a way, they’re my family too. 

I don’t know, maybe I’m getting too sentimental. Maybe I’m just a control freak. Maybe I have a little OCD and you not doing what you’re supposed to when you’re supposed to do it, like I am, really rubs me the wrong way. Whatever it may be, one thing is for sure: come the time you tell me to be there, I’ll be there. Even if you don’t want me to be. Even if you accidentally hit snooze instead of turning off the alarm out of habit because you’ve worked twenty days in a row and now you have a day off and can sleep more than five hours (whoops!). I’ll always be there, whispering in your ear. Shouting if necessary.

There’s this line in a movie I really like, and I think it describes me to a tee. I’ve made a few revisions, but here it is. You might recognize it: he’s not our hero. He’s a loud guardian, a watchful protector. A dark alarm clock.

Fitting, right? Oh, would you look at the time? Almost seven minutes already! That came around fast. I guess time really does fly when you’re having fun.

It’s me, your good friend, alarm clock. It’s time to wake up…